Well then we went to church (30mins late because we got on the wrong train & ended up in Queens) and found ourselves sitting in the two back rows with Natalie (Nat The Fat Rat) and Naomi (Love Taza). Lets just say their kids are just as cute (if not cuter) than every Instagram post they've ever posted! My favourite thing though was seeing Tom, who had no idea who they were, light up seeing Naomi's little boy play and say hi to us. Seeing glimpses of him as a dad makes me want to have a baby even more.
I was excited to say hi to them. I've been reading both their blogs since I started mine two years ago. Two years of almost daily posts is a lot to know about someone that you've never met.
They were lovely and sweet but after I actually felt terrible. Fat, ugly, unfashionable and barren. It wasn't anything they said, more like my own self esteem and insecurities. Then I started thinking that I should stop writing and reading blogs. So many times I felt rubbish seeing other blogs, comparing myself to them. It also felt really weird knowing so much about someone, then meeting them for the first time and not knowing what to say so you don't sound like some crazy stalker, when really you reading their blog is how they make money from it.
It wasn't until I woke up the next morning (being tired wrecks havoc on my anxiety and body image) that I felt clarity. I've come so far over the last 6 months to be proud of my currently infertile body and the things it can do. I won't let those crappy negative images in my head ruin all that I've worked so hard to change.
New York City is great but what do I want most in this world? To have a family with Tom. To see him play and joke with our children in church. Why do I blog? Not to be best friends with 'famous' bloggers but to record our lives and as we go through infertility, express things I find hard say out loud.
I guess that's lesson number 1 for New York (well maybe number 2, number 1 was learning how to understand the subway lines!).