Is there a special 'blogging' rule that if you write a guest post you shouldn't post it on your own blog? I think there is. But I've been trying to find the words to talk about motherhood (in the lead up to mothers day - what else do we blog about?) and I can't find a better way to say it than how I already did.
My friend is doing a wonderful series on motherhood this week and I wrote this post - my current feelings on Motherhood. You can read all the other posts here:
Motherhood. It has a mixed meaning for me. Respect and heartache. It's hard to imagine how those two can co-exist.I love and respect my mother.
She is one of the most amazing women I know. Growing up she sacrificed to give me and my sisters whatever we needed. She still sacrifices today in different ways and I know her heartaches for us every day. She is one of my best friends. I have so much respect for all the mothers in my life. The one who raised a kind, funny and loving man to be my husband. Seeing how my sister raises her children. All the other women who teach me so much about what makes a great mother.
Ever since I was a little child I looked forward to the day I'd be a mother. My mum always joked I was born 30 & a homemaker. I thought about things I wanted to teach my children, seeing them grow and learn. Now, after finding the right guy (the best guy), things haven't gone as planned. Where hope for motherhood once stood, now there is pain. I still hope for a day when I hold a precious baby in my arms. A baby I already love and think about every day. Kissing their little nose. Holding their tiny hand in my mine. What them grow and live their dreams.
Infertility changes your perspective on a lot of things. I hope one day I can look back at this time with gratitude. It's hard to feel like this time will pass but I have faith it will. I have faith that one day, I'll be grateful for every day I endured through this time of infertility. I know it will make me a better mother, I think it already has. To appreciate the blessing of motherhood more. That when my child won't stop crying or won't sleep or my house is torn apart, I'll remember the years I cried and my heart ached for the chance to have that child. To appreciate the little moments that others might let pass by with the frustrations of the day.
I hope I never forget this time though. I don't want the memories to fade as the years go by. Not because I want to keep feeling the pain, because I think we can move past the pain of infertility (eventually). I want to remember it so I can lift up those who are still in the midst of it, to be a shoulder and most importantly, to cherish the blessings I do have in my life everyday. Because if the passed 2 and a half years have taught me anything, it's to cherish the little moments that make life great.
*Illustration by Eleanor McComb